How to buy fuel at Morrisons - a Dummys' Guide

[Francis]

I am constantly amazed by the inability of some drivers to correctly puchase fuel for their vehicles. The number of times I sit in exasperation whilst some numpty holds up the process, so here is my simple guide to avoiding the pitfalls:

1) Once you have decided that you need fuel the first thing to be aware of is which side of your vehicle enables you to achieve this end. There are only two possible options, the nearside or offside. To make this simple is it on the side that you get in? If not assume it's on the other.

2) Armed with this information and arriving at the petrol station involves the next decision process - which line of pumps should I join? Lets be very clear here the purpose of knowing which side of your vehicle has the fuel filler cap should enable you to work out which side of the pump you need to be. This may involve some form of spacial awareness however if its on the drivers' side you should aim to get this side of the vehicle as near to the pump as possible.

3) Queuing if busy - if you are still struggling with step 2 please do not fail to proceed forward there may be someone behind you who has this step covered and knows exactly where they want to go. Your failure to move simply causes a tail back, please do not do this.

4)Which line of pumps? When you arrive at Morrisons you will notice they have two distinct and different pumps - the more obvious one having the sign "Pay at Pump". The purpose of the Pay at Pump pump is to enable Morrisons to employ less staff and save money, thereby providing either you with cheaper fuel or them with more profit. It also means that when you have obtained your fuel at the "pay at pump" pump you dont need to queue in the shop whilst some other numpty who cannot use the pay at pump systems buys their paper, drinks and Heat magazine.

5) So we are now armed with the fundamental knowledge which enables the driver to efficiently arrive at the correct line of pumps and with it on the correct side of your vehicle. Getting out of the vehicle and seeing that you have achieved this is a most pleasurable experience however if you get this stage wrong it can only get worse. Attempting to pull the fuel dispenser across the back of your car can lead to a number of unpleasant consequences, breaking off your car aerial, scratching your cared for paintwork, pulling the petrol pump over resulting in a major leakage or fire risk and closure of the petrol station and evacuation of residents in a 1 mile radius. Any and all of these can happen but the worst thing is you will look a complete idiot and everyone else at the petrol station will be aware of your inabilty to make a simple and correct decision as to which pump to choose.

6) Finally if you have elected to use the "pay at pump" line then please take up this option - there is no point taking your fuel from this pump if you don't take advantage of the technology that has been provided to speed your exit.

I hope this information has been of use and that you are not one of those that I will be seeing at the pumps next time I get fuel getting these simple rules wrong.

Happy motoring

(I will be investigating the use of automated check-out tills in-store in the near future to ensure these are being properly used too)

[mel]

thanks for this francis, its been a long time coming can i just add that if you do elect to use the pay at the pump pumps, then you still need to select the correct option the amount of time you pull up behind some numpty with the nozzle in their car and no fuel coming out, looking all around them in a state of panic, repeating that its not working. if this happens to you, either press the pay at the pump button and insert your card or select pay the cashier button (this option is there in case if you have in fact pulled up at the wrong set of pumps and are unable to embrace new technology or in fact there is the new edition of heat magazine out thus meaning you have to enter the shop.) do not replace the nozzle and go into the shop wasting the cashiers valuble time by telling her that pump number 12 isn't working, if you stand by the pump long enough a magic voice will shout at you to PRESS THE BUTTON!!

[Francis]

Thank you Mel so many things to go wrong I completely missed that problem. I think it should be considered as Clause 5A.

Perhaps we should send a copy to Morrisons and they could put a notice up or get them to do a big sign

1) Which side is your filler cap?
2) Only use "pay at pump" if you are not a complete Numpty
3) Its quicker to buy magazines, drinks and Heat mag in store

Thank you for your custom and for not being a Numpty
Have a nice day

[david]

Guilty on nearly all counts at 8:00 yesterday morning. The petrol station was busy, but my car's not big and I know the filler pipe will reach across the back of the car (my filler's on the near side). Then, all set up and ready to go, but the petrol, she not come out of the nozzle.

NUMPTY

I went back and pressed the "pay at kiosk" button, and as if by magic...

I feel better with that off my chest

[meterman]

hi,
not quite sure if this is right but on your petrol gauge there is a arrow, is that telling you which side your fillers on?

[david]

hi,
not quite sure if this is right but on your petrol gauge there is a arrow, is that telling you which side your fillers on?

Urban myth. It happens to line up on some cars, but not all (it doesn't on mine for instance).

[Francis]

Mmmm - I shall be looking closely for the arrow. Mine is on the passenger side and if feels natural to pull up with the pump on the left, the same as parking. However the layout of petrol stations assumes equal split in the distribution of which side of the car the pump is, which should mean a quicker flow through of customers.

If all fuel fillers were on the same side it would be a problem.

I'm still investigating the self-check out in store but I'm still strugling how to use the dam things.

[KT]

Can we also have some legislaton on the 2 pump system?

There are two pumps on each aisle.

If the person the front of the aisle has finished and paid and then proceeds to drive off, it is perfectly reasonable for the queuing public to pull in front of the second car and back up to the pump. Not receive a mouth full of abuse like I did from some geriatric prat the other week, who was driving a car considerably smaller than mine and claimed he could not pull around mine. He did not appear to appreciate my advice of using the steering wheel.

Also, consideration is advised. If you are queuing for an aisle and both pumps are taken, and the car immediately in front of you finishes and leaves, give it 5 seconds to see where the driver of number 1 car is and whether or not you can pull forward to the first pump, thus leaving the second pump for someone else.

[Lee]

Have to disagree with waiting for a pump to come available that is on the side of the car the petrol cap is. Any competent driver can park close enough to the pump for the nozzle to reach the other side of the car.

I find it infuriating that people block the queue when there are pumps available but they don't have the skills to pull a petrol pump to the other side of their car!!! Many petrol stations have nozzles that are actually wound up inside the pump, which believe it or not reach the other side of a car when you pull it!

[mel]

hmm i've got a large people carrier and my hubby parked at the wrong side to fill up and managed to scratch the sidfe of my car with the nozzle, he was very close to the kerb, but my car is too big, but this doesn't mean that you have to block the whole of the entrance to the petrol station, you can join the queue of the pump you want to use.